my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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