If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so let's talk penis.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
