i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
