he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
