KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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