My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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