Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
