I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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