Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont even know how to be here
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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