So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize