I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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