Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
