How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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