I just gift wrapped bread.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She needs sedatives and a leash
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
