im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
