were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
