i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
