We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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