after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize