a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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