First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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