i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
