i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
