well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
