life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
