fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
