We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
