worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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