I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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