Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
