i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
