Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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