No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
