Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
