my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
