You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
