Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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