im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
