theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
