oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
