After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
