Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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