Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I skipped work to stalk him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
