Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He told me they were just razor bumps!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
