What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
