It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
