Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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