I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
