Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
