i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
