i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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