I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
