So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
