Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize