My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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