there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
