i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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