dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
