I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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