they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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