i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
