Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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