Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
