These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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