Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
