so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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