I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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