She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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