I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
