So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
