Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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