obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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