in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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