He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
