yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize