Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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