I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
