If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
