I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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