I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
